Willing, Waiting, and Wanting to Help

    What do you do when a parenting dilemma has you totally perplexed? Where do you turn when you are burned out, overworked, overweight, overwhelmed, etc.? There are sources of inspiration, encouragement, and information all around—willing, waiting, and wanting to help. Who are these people? The Mothers in your life.
    When I’ve had child-rearing—or homemaking--questions, I looked around, at my friends, family and neighbors and sought out someone who I thought was having a successful experience in the area of my struggles. The mothers I sought out were always more than happy to share their experiences and expertise with me. Nobody thought I was inept or stupid. They were frequently flattered that I had sought help from them.
    When the situation has been reversed, and I was the mentor, I was always pleased that someone thought I had things together enough to ask my opinion. In the role of mentor—or listening ear—it is vital to keep the information that’s been entrusted to in strictest confidence. So choose mentors prayerfully.
Women are very verbal creatures. Many times we have a great need to talk things through with someone we trust. Often the opportunity to just express our feelings, with the right person helps us find answers.
    I have found that as I travel through life, if I process my experiences with the idea that I will someday use what I’ve learned to help someone else, I pay more attention. Thus, the experience becomes much more valuable. None of us lives in a cocoon or cave. We are here to be instruments in Heavenly Father’s hands to bless the lives of his children. Be the person in someone’s life that you’ve needed at some time in your life.
    So, the next time you feel the need to unload or EXPLODE, look to your sisters in the ward or women in your life for relief. You will find them willing, waiting and wanting to help you.
D. Baker. Copyright 2010.

Teaching our Children about Patriotism

   Independence Day is a very special event in our neighborhood, especially when it comes to our ward family and the many opportunities we have for eating, celebrating and socializing.  But, do our children really understand the significance of what we just celebrated?  Do they only hear us talk of “the 4^th” or do we discuss how we won our independence from England, our reverence for the flag and for the brave men and women who gave their lives for the freedoms we enjoy?  Have we read the Book of Mormon prophecies concerning this Promised Land?  As we go to vote, have we explained this privilege and process to our children?

   Even though the holiday has passed, it is not too late to teach the true significance of this celebration.  Do our children know how to show respect as the flag passes—no talking and right hands over hearts?  Have we taught proper flag etiquette—the fact that it must not touch the ground and what it means to “retire” a flag?  Have we explained the meaning of the colors, stars and stripes?  Do they know the history of “The Star-Spangled Banner?”

   There is a wealth of information on the courage and sacrifices of the signers of the Declaration of Independence as well as other patriots.  We need to share and discuss stories of those who have courageously fought for freedom throughout our history and we need to teach the significance of our inspired Constitution which codifies and secures our liberties.  It’s likely that you can find inspiring stories in your own family history.  Just choose accounts that are age-appropriate for your children.

   An exercise that might be helpful is asking your children what they love about living here. They may mention playing with friends, attending school, swimming, going on family trips, abundant delicious food, going to church, etc. This can open a discussion of the fact that there are children in many parts of the world who must work, who can’t attend school, cannot freely travel and many who don’t have sufficient food or clean water.

   As our children come to understand and appreciate this wonderful country they will develop a greater sense of responsibility for safeguarding our freedoms and way of life.

   Information sources for teaching our families could include the public library, the internet and the Boy Scout Handbook and family histories.

D. Baker

Copyright 2010

Dating Our Husbands

When we Moms are home with the children all summer, dates with our husbands are even more important than usual. We yearn for adult conversation and one-on-one time with our spouses.  Meeting the demands of lots of little people-day after day-is physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually exhausting at times.  If this is not high priority for your spouse, I suggest that you take the initiative to be creative and figure out ways to make weekly dates happen, until he catches the vision of this counsel from our leaders.  When this vital counsel is ignored, marriages suffer and relationships diminish.

Often, creating the time for dates and/or getting a sitter are roadblocks.  We are often exhausted and just want to flop into bed after a busy week of chauffeuring, nursing, refereeing, teaching, playing, cooking, cleaning, etc.  But a simple moonlit chat while walking around the block with your souse can be most rejuvenating.  It only takes a few minutes.  Maybe you can trade baby sitting with another parent a couple of times a month.
The following are ideas for cheap or free dates.
Walks and hikes
Trips to the library or bookstore to read books and magazines
Museums
Stargazing
Drives through the canyons

Picnic in various beautiful locations
Senior art shows and recitals at the university
Temple worship

Playing "What If"...we could go anywhere, do anything, win a million dollars?
Listening to favorite music, and maybe even dancing
Picnics on the bedroom floor
Driving down to the lake
Window shopping
Reading a book together
If you do not have children, make this a priority and a habit now.  Then it will be easier to maintain the habit after children come into your lives.
Talk about the importance of the weekly date with your spouse.  This is the most important relationship either of you will ever have. When the children are all gone, will your relationship still be intact, enjoyable, deepening?
If this a new plan in your home, set aside special time to talk about it.  Serve a nice dessert.  Don't give up just because you feel that you shouldn't have to take the lead or do all of the planning.  Make these occasions so irresistible that your spouse will look forward to them and get excited about his special time with you.
This one habit can greatly enhance your relationship and increase the love you have for each other.  Give it a try.
D. Baker
Copyright 2010

From My Window: Fasting and Its Great Blessings

   After the Savior was baptized, he was “led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be with God.”  Matt. 4:1 JST    From His fast, the Savior gained knowledge and strength in preparation for His mission.

   What does our proper fast do?

•  Brings us into closer communion with Heavenly Father
• Gives us spiritual strength
•  Gives us the opportunity to serve the poor and bless others’ lives.  

In Isaiah 58 the proper fast is described and then the blessings of that fast are enumerated.  Verse 8 states, “Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the Lord shall by thy rereward.”  (The rereward is the guard that stands behind us, watching our back, so to speak.  What a great, extra protector to have.)  These are wonderful blessings that all of us need.

  Elder Bruce R. McConkie once suggested several reasons for fasting:  for the sick, special blessings, gaining a testimony, among other things.  Personally, I would add gratitude as another reason.  Case in Point:  Our son was a few months old, scooting around in his walker, when one of the other children accidentally left the basement door open.  Before we knew it he had fallen down 13 stairs.  His only injury was a little red mark on his back where the walker had rubbed.  I was so grateful that I did not have a dead baby at the bottom of the stairs.  I wondered how I could show Heavenly Father my deep gratitude for His magnificent gift.  Fasting was the answer.

   The following is another personal experience:     As I was sorting through a stack of old cards and letters I came across a little “Thank You” note that read:

       Dear Girls,

               I was so touched to hear that you fasted for me during my operation.  I know that it works.  Heavenly Father made it so that it didn’t hurt much and He calmed me so that I wasn’t even a little bit scared.  I love Him and I love you and thank you again for your love of me.

                                                                                                Love,

                                                                                                   Mindy

   Mindy is our daughter who was diagnosed with a brain tumor while she was a student at BYU.  After several months of chemotherapy and some radiation the tumor continued to grow.  It was determined that surgery to remove a part of the cancer—which was considered inoperable--would relieve some of the pressure in her brain.  A ward fast was held on the day of her surgery.

   The ‘girls’ in the note are Kelli, Katie and Annie, ages 12, 9 and 8 at the time.  The day of the surgery, they went off to school as usual.  When their mother opened the fridge several hours later, she discovered that all three of their lunchboxes had been left at home.  She grabbed the boxes and rushed to the school.  When she tried to give the girls their lunches, each one said, “Oh, no, Mom, we are fasting for Mindy.”

   Mindy lived for another 14 months.  Several months after she died, the girls’ mother handed me this note and said, “We thought you would like to have this.”  It was then that I learned the whole story.

   As evidenced by this experience, even young children can be taught the principle of the fast.

D. Baker

Copyright 2010

Weekly Column by Dixie: From My Window

FROM MY WINDOW

Introduction

   This column will include suggestions and ideas from my point of view and my experience.  Each of us has the gift of personal revelation for our stewardships.  Through prayer and contemplation we can individually determine just what Heavenly Father will have us do.

New Beginnings Are Not Just for Young Women

   What a great time of year!  I love spring.  The anticipation of the last day of school has never ceased to excite me, even though my children are grown and gone.  As children, we eagerly awaited our “barefoot days,” only wearing shoes when we went to town or church.  Summer days were filled with horseback riding, making mud pies and playing in—and under--the giant oaks that surrounded my childhood home.

       When our children were in school, it was always such a relief to be free of the stresses associated with homework, deadlines, tests, rigid schedules and always having enough clean socks—that matched.

        As I see mothers in our ward who will have lots of precious time with their children for the next few months, I’d like to offer a few suggestions:

• Before the summer is in full swing, think about your vision of this time off—and make some notes.  When school starts in the fall do you want to see many finished projects, children who are well-rested and relaxed, and/or deepened relationships with each child?  What does your perfect summer look like?
• How will you achieve your vision?  Do your children need to improve reading skills, learn to cook or sew, become more physically fit, learn to work?  How will you schedule time to help them accomplish these goals?  What materials and supplies will you need—simple recipes, library cards, fabric, charts, calendars, jump ropes, bikes?  What’s the most economical way to obtain these?
• Time alone—even just a few minutes--with each child pays huge rewards. When I had challenges with children, such as, picking on siblings, reluctance to cooperate in the family, discouragement, feeling like they had no friends, etc., the issue was almost always resolved by spending a little one-on-one time.  Some will need more of your time than others.
• How will you schedule chore time?  Set deadlines? How flexible will you need to be with teenagers’ schedules? Will you offer rewards for a week of good performance, (ice cream, field trips, bike rides, trips to the pool or park?)  What works—job charts, job jars, weekly rotations, etc.?

Each of you is entitled to inspiration for your stewardship.  Your children are so blessed to have such great mothers.  I’m excited to see just what you come up with and to hear of your challenges and successes.

A Great Way to Start the Summer

(a few more specifics on how to execute the plan introduced in the first column)

    Families can enhance the quality of the summer vacation experience by doing a little pre-planning.  After parents have discussed what they would like to have happen when school ends, a planning activity with the children will be fun.

  Shortly after the last bell rings, or at summer’s first Family Home Evening, sit down with your children and serve a fun treat: ice cream, banana splits, caramel corn, cupcakes—something that can become a tradition—then discuss your plan and have them express ideas and opinions.

   They would be thrilled with the suggestion that each gets to have a special adventure with Mom at least once during the summer. The number of times you schedule with each child will probably be determined by the number of children and/or your available time.

   Some may need help in choosing this activity.  Possibilities are: bike rides, trip to the zoo, park, pool or museum, hiking, going out for ice cream, bowling, hiking, shopping for supplies for a special project, or reading a favorite book together in a quiet, non-traditional place, i.e. the temple grounds, up in the canyon, in the quiet of grandparents’ back yard.  Just use your imagination.  Have them write this down.

   After this activity, discuss chores and rules.  Find out who prefers what tasks and try to accommodate.  Will there be a reward system?  What are the rules for having friends over to play and playing at friends’ homes? When is nap--or mandatory rest-- time?

   What’s your dinner hour, when you expect everyone to be home?  Will each take a turn in planning and cooking, or helping you, cook dinner?  Which days are best for each child, considering schedules—Mutual, Achievement Days, Cub Scouts, piano lessons, etc.?

  What will happen at bedtime?  Will you take turns choosing what to read and who will read?  How many minutes each night will you devote?

  Will your scripture-reading schedule change?

  Talk about goals.  Some children may know right away what they would like to achieve this summer, but others will need a while to think about it.

   Even though it is vacation time, everyone benefits from a little structure.  Your family plan will be individualized.  Through prayer you will know just what works best for you.  Heavenly Father wants us to have success and joy in our families.

D. Baker

Copyright 2010